CHAPTER 1

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Cars, Beer, Chewing Gum, and Blue Jeans

What do cars, beer, chewing gum, blue jeans, diet soft-drink, aftershave, and milk have in common? Give up?

The answer, of course, is SEX! That's right -- at least that's what advertising agencies must think; they all use sex to sell these products. Some of you older guys may well remember (how could you forget?) the Swedish Bikini Team. You remember the commercial: A group of guys are relaxing in the outdoors, when suddenly, beautiful "bikini-clad" girls appear and a huge crate of Old Milwaukee beer drops from the sky. One guy sums up the feeling of all his buddies: "It doesn't get any better than this!"

For the young ladies, we call your attention to a Diet Coke ad. A woman walks down a hall announcing to her female friends that it's time for a Diet Coke break. What the viewer soon realizes is that it's not the women who are having the drink break but a construction worker. The women gather around the office window to watch (and lust over) a very muscular construction worker as he takes off his sweaty shirt and chugs his Diet Coke. The commercial ends with one of the women telling the others, "Same time tomorrow?"

We're sure that with little thought you could come up with many other commercials that use sexual images and innuendos to sell products. We point out these commercials to remind you that we live in a sex-saturated culture. Nearly every time you turn on the TV, listen to music, go to a movie, look at a magazine, or pass billboards on the way to church, you are flooded with sexual images.

According to a recent survey, the average teenager spends nearly five hours a day in front of the TV. Over the course of a year that teenager will have viewed nearly fourteen thousand sexual encounters or implied sex acts on the tube. That's thirty-eight a day! Does this seem like an exaggeration to you? It did to us at first. But think for a second about what you see on the television on the average night. On most nights, it's hard to get through one sitcom or melodrama without a sexual joke or situation. Add to these: TV movies, tabloid shows, late-night television (for instance, Saturday Night Live), and all those commercials and it's not hard to come up with thirty-eight sexual situations a day. If you watch MIV, you would likely rack up thirty-eight sexual images and innuendos in about an hour!

Dan, a sophomore who is involved in our youth group, made a commitment to stop watching television programs that lead him to lust. After a week of struggling, Dan reported that he could hardly watch TV for ten minutes without needing to turn it off! With so many sexual images clogging our airwaves, it's no wonder our hormones are running wild.

Even if you don't watch much TV, you are still confronted with sex constantly. Have you been to the grocery store lately? The next time you go, take a peek at the magazine racks at the end of the checkout lines. (On second thought, maybe you shouldn't!) If you do, you'll see about a dozen different women's magazines. What these all have in common (probably without exception) is that they all feature a story about how to improve your sex life.

Just Do It! ... You Animal

What message about sex is being proclaimed through these commercials, TV shows, and magazines? Clearly, in is the dominant media, sex is about pleasure. In fact, the sex drive is thought to be so strong that it is considered virtually impossible for today's teens to control. Consequently, you're told not to fight those natural impulses but to "Just Do It!" Sure, the media recognize that there are problems that result from teen sex. AIDS is killing sexually active teenagers; STDs--or sexually transmitted diseases--are at epidemic levels; and over a million teenage girls get pregnant each year. Yet, you're still being told that it is okay to be sexually active as a teenager.

Many experts on social policy will admit that it's probably better if teenagers abstain from sex altogether, but this view is considered to be very impractical. A statement made by a member of the American Civil Liberties Union's Reproductive Freedom Project is an example of what many are saying: "Abstinence has a place in sex education ... but unfortunately, by itself it's not very realistic." Why? Simply because--so they think--teenagers can't be trusted to control their sex drive.

The reaction of some of the parents of the kids who were involved in the "Spur Posse" sex scandal in suburban Los Angeles illustrates this view. Maybe you remember hearing about this when the story broke. A group of high-school and college-age guys started a contest among themselves to see who could have the most sexual partners. After several of the boys were charged with sex-related crimes, the story attracted national media attention. A Time magazine article covering the case was of particular interest to us. The author highlighted the excuses given by the parents of the kids involved. The father of a kid who scored sixty-three points said of his son's behavior, "Nothing my boy did was anything any red-blooded American boy wouldn't do." And one mother excused her son's actions as a natural, hormone-driven behavior when she said, "What can you do? It's a testosterone thing."

Have you ever been around a dog that is "in heat"? If you have, you know that that animal will do just about anything for sex. Presumably, all that animal can "think" about is sex. In fact, the only way to keep that animal from having sex is to keep it away from other dogs. Keith had a dog (her name was Jockey) that his family literally had to keep indoors while she was in heat (they didn't want puppies!). Every time someone would leave the house, this dog was right at that person's heels trying frantically to get outside to do you-know-what. Realizing there was no exit through the door, Jockey would run from window to window, howling and scratching to be set free.

Sadly, many in our society view you teenagers as if you were "dogs in heat" that are driven by your hormones instead of your minds and consciences. Consequently, instead of sound moral advice, we are handing you condoms in our nation's high schools.

Have you ever stopped to think about what this is saying about you? Are you really an animal with no sexual self-control?

The Great Lie

When we were sophomores in high school, our youth group sponsored a Christmas party. Each person who came to the party was asked to bring a wrapped gift. All these gifts were placed under the Christmas tree. And when the appropriate time came, each person at the party was told to select a gift. Tami will never forget the gift she chose. She remembers picking out this particular package because it was beautifully wrapped and looked to be about the size of a ring box. She was pleased when she pulled off the paper to find a blue velvet box. As she lifted the lid off the box, she let out a loud scream, dropped the box, and jumped back in horror. All of a sudden, laughter filled the room as we all realized that what was in the box was not a ring at all but a decaying molar!

Obviously, Tami was the victim of a somewhat "cruel" practical joke. From the outside, the package she chose gave her the impression she was going to be receiving a nice ring. But she was shocked to find a really gross tooth from one of the guy leaders instead. To say the least, she was totally deceived by the slick appearance of the box.

Likewise, there are many things in our world that appear to be fantastic on the surface but after further, careful investigation prove to be rotten. It's our belief that the media's view of extramarital sex is one such example.

Granted, the glossy pages of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition seem harmless and attractive to some guys. And what normal girl wouldn't be flattered by the romantic advances of a guy she adores? Let's face the fact that your sexual desires and curiosities are very real and sometimes strong. Not only is your sexual drive real, but so is your love or infatuation for your boyfriend or girlfriend.

After speaking to a group of about a hundred high-school kids, a cute sophomore girl named Kim approached Keith and asked him if he thought she could really be in love with her boyfriend. She related that her mother didn't think this was possible at such a young age. The girl was surprised by Keith's answer. He told her that he definitely thought that young people could love each other. He related that young love may not be as complete and mature as marital love, but that he thought it can be very real nonetheless. In fact, we're convinced that we were truly in love while still in high school. But we now recognize that we had a lot more to learn about true love.

Given the fact, therefore, that your sexual drive, loves, and infatuations are real, it's no wonder why the media's message to "Just Do It!" is very appealing and attractive.

But don't fall for it! The package may look irresistible on the outside--but what's really on the inside? We believe that if you dare to open it, you might discover that the joke's really on you. We know a lot of people who are broken as a result of misusing sex. You might know a few yourself.

Take a look at a letter written by a friend of ours while we were still in high school. Nicole was sexually active. Here's a portion of her letter, which she wrote to Keith in the tenth grade:

Keith,

I'm so confused! My life is in shambles. Everything is so screwed up. I don't know what to do. I'm desperate! Can you help me? I've lost everything. I don't know who I am or where I'm at anymore. I have sinned so much and done awful things I know I almost can't forgive myself I know God is somewhere, but to me, he seems so far away. I had him so close once, but I don't know how to get him back with me. I don't mean to be a pain, but I need some help.

Love ya,

Nicole

Nicole learned the hard way that premarital sex isn't what the media claim it is.

The Devil's Good?

We've discovered that the devil is very good--at making dung look like gold. After all, Jesus did call the devil the "father of lies" (John 8:44). The apostle Peter warns us: "Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking some one to devour" (I Peter 5:8). The most important weapon in Satan's arsenal is deception. He specializes in making harmful things seem very desirable. Isn't this how he tripped up Adam and Eve in the garden? (See Genesis 3.) We're convinced that he's up to his old tricks when it comes to our media's view of sex. In fact, this could be the devil's greatest lie.

Don't Settle for the Cheeseburger!

Please don't misunderstand us. We're not saying that sex is a bad thing. On the contrary, the main point of this book is to show that sex is a very good gift from God. But it's our belief that the view of sex set forth by our culture is a perversion of this wonderful gift. Unfortunately, many have bought into this great lie--with the result that few have experienced the tremendous gift of their sexuality to its fullest.

When Keith was in high school, he always preferred a cheeseburger to a thick, juicy steak. In retrospect, this seems like a poor choice to him today. To fall for our media's view of sex is like settling for the cheeseburger and rejecting the steak. No one who has tasted a good steak would consider settling for a mere cheeseburger. We are convinced that as you come to understand better God's purpose for your sexuality, you will not be satisfied with what our media have to offer. In fact, you will come to despise it.

A Final Look at the Media's View

Let's conclude this chapter by briefly summarizing what the media are saying about sex. As we mentioned before, the primary purpose of sex promoted by our media is pleasure. Unfortunately, sexual pleasure is often sought to fulfill selfish desires.

When the focus is placed on the pleasure gained, it's easy to see how sexual activity can become very selfish. It's sad, but often true, that guys and girls who have bought into this view will date for the purpose of seeing how "far they can get" sexually. Dating can become the search for a sexual conquest. Keith recalls how a few of his friends would meet at McDonald's after they had been with their dates. The topic of conversation would often focus on their sexual exploits earlier that night.

Surely, you can see how this is a cheap view of sex. Sex has become casual. It has become something that can be shared with several persons. In fact, members of the opposite sex can (and do) become treated as objects rather than respected as persons.

Ultimately, the media's view of sex is less than human. The fact is: We're not animals who are controlled by our passions. In the next chapter, we'll examine just what it means to be human and how this has implications for our sexuality. We think that as you continue to read you'll come to discover that your sexuality is so much more valuable than the media lead you to believe.