CHAPTER 3

Thankfully, God made two sexes. He made us attracted to the opposite sex and attached great pleasure to the sex act. But God wants us to use our sexuality in a fully human way.

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Using a Radio as a Football (Not a Good Idea!)

On a recent retreat led by Keith, there was a frantic search for a football. It seems that somebody (namely Keith) forgot to bring it along. Needless to say, there were some unhappy guys when it came time for recreation. Twelve guys eager to play football-- without a football. It wasn't a pretty sight! One of the guys jokingly suggested that they could use the boom box as the ball.

Can you imagine what would have happened had they actually played football using the radio? The first dropped pass and smash!-- no more music. Obviously, this story is absurd: No one would really consider doing it-- no matter how desperate one felt.

But it illustrates a very important point. We get the most pleasure and value out of things when we use them in the way they were meant to be used. On the other hand, if we use something in a way that was never intended, we can end up harming and possibly destroying it.

Our boom box was designed to play music, not to be tossed like a football. If we use it to play music, it makes us happy. If we use it as a football, it disappoints us (to say the least). You all know this. Who would be so silly?

Consistent Conclusions

As we saw in the last chapter, human beings were created with a specific purpose by a loving God who wants us to be happy. This truth has radical implications for how human beings should "use" themselves.

Because we're created in the image of God and adopted as his children, we must live in a way that is consistent with our status. This is precisely what it means to be a moral person. A moral person is one who lives in a way that is consistent with who he or she is as a person created in God's image.

Our happiness depends upon living this way. If we choose to live in ways that are less than human, we can destroy ourselves; and ultimately, we'll not be happy either.

Think about it. Because we're human, we have moral obligations that other creatures don't. For example, if we see someone hurt by the side of the road, we realize that as human beings we have a moral obligation to stop and help.

Suppose for a second that a bird encountered a similar situation with a fellow bird. Would we expect the bird to stop and help the injured bird? Of course not! Birds don't have moral obligations. We expect birds to act like birds. We should expect humans to act like humans, too. (Cf. CCC 1954-1955.)

Created Sexy

An important part of our humanity is our sexuality. We heard a speaker say one time that all of us are "created sexy." What she meant was that each person is created as a sexual being. All of us are either male sex or female sex (even though it may be hard to tell by looking at some people).

As we'll see in the next chapter, your sexuality is a very good gift from God. It's most important to understand why God made us this way if we're to understand how to use his gift properly.

Think about it-- God could have made us all one sex if he wanted. If he wanted, he could have made us reproduce like trees. (But that would be no fun.) Thankfully, God made two sexes. He made us attracted to the opposite sex and attached great pleasure to the sex act.

But God wants us to use our sexuality in a fully human way. (Remember, we are not animals.) Another way to say the same thing is to say that he wants us to use our sexuality in a moral way. If we don't, the consequences could be as disastrous as using a radio as a football. Sooner or later we'll harm it.

Right and Wrong

But how do we know what's right or wrong about our sexuality? Where do we find the truth about the right way to use our sexuality? We admitted in the Introduction that there's a lot of confusion about this in our world today.

Many even suggest that when it comes to sexuality there is no right and wrong behavior for everyone. Such people suggest that it's up to each person to decide for himself or herself what's right and what's wrong. A person who believes this, is called a moral relativist. For the moral relativist, there are no sexual moral standards that all should accept. Everything's "relative."

Fortunately, our heavenly Father didn't leave us guessing as to what's right and wrong with respect to sex. Moral relativism is not an option for Christians. Jesus made it very clear to his disciples that he is "the way, and the truth, and the life" (John 14:6; emphasis added). If his disciples wanted to know the truth about how to live, all they had to do was ask Jesus-- who is the Truth.

Jesus knew how to live in a truly human (moral) way. He knew what it meant to be God's Son; and he lived in perfect consistency with that status. Jesus knew what it meant to use his sexuality in a truly human way.

But Jesus also struggled, like we do, with the temptation to do wrong instead of right. Listen to what the Letter to the Hebrews says: "Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are. But he did not sin! So whenever we are in need, we should come bravely before the throne of our merciful God. There we will be treated with undeserved kindness, and we will find help" (Hebrews 4:14-16; emphasis added; CEB).

From Jesus, not only can we know the truth about using our sexuality in a human way, but we can go to him for the help we need so that we can choose the right and avoid the wrong.

Follow the Instructions

You might be thinking, "Yeah, I know all this stuff. But Jesus lived two thousand years ago. This is the 1990s. Things are a little different nowadays. They didn't face as many temptations as we do. As you said before, we live in a sex-saturated culture. Jesus didn't. And besides, even if Jesus knows what's right and what's wrong for us, how can he communicate that to us? I mean, he's been dead for two thousand years!"

Sounds like a good point; but let's not forget who Jesus is. Jesus isn't just another good moral teacher who lived a long time ago (like Gandhi or Socrates). Jesus is very much alive today. Jesus is God! (Cf. CCC 464-469.) He is the very God who made the entire world and each person in it. He's the God who made you and me! The apostle John described who Jesus is: "In the beginning was the Word [Jesus], and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God; all things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men" (John 1: 1-4, emphasis added).

Because Jesus is God and he created us, we're convinced that he knows what works best for us. He created us as sexual persons; he knows what's right and what's wrong when it comes to sex. He knows what kinds of behavior bring us happiness and fulfillment and what kinds do not. He knows what types of sexual behavior are fully human and what types are not.

This story might help explain what we are getting at. When Keith was a teenager, his mom bought his dad a Sunbeam gas grill for Christmas. Of course, the grill came unassembled in the box. Have you ever watched your dad try to put one of these things together? Let's just say that for those who aren't mechanically inclined, putting a grill together is a trying experience. A good instruction manual is a must.

Well, Keith's mom decided that it would be a nice surprise if the grill was already assembled when they gave it to his dad Christmas morning. Guess who Mom asked to put the grill together? Right, Keith.

Now, to fully understand the gravity of what Keith's mom was asking of him, you must understand that Keith has a hard time telling the difference between a screwdriver and a wrench. It was only after several hours of frustration and stress (and a few choice words) that Dad's Christmas present was ready.

Without the good instructions, Keith might still be working on that grill. Well, here's the point: Who wrote the instructions for the grill? Obviously, someone who works for the Sunbeam Company. Why? Because the maker of the grill is most competent to write the instructions. Why again? The manufacturer knows best how the grill is supposed to work.

As we've said, God created us, he's created us sexual beings. And he knows what's right and what's wrong when it comes to sex. He knows what's helpful and what's harmful. Imagine if Keith didn't follow the instructions when putting the grill together: He could have blown up his house! If we choose to disregard God's instructions, we're heading for trouble.

A Life-Giving Law

God's laws (instructions) about our sexuality are not meant to take away fun or be oppressive in any way. They're given by a loving Father who wants our happiness -- a Father who knows what will bring us happiness and what will lead us to experience the gift of our sexuality to its fullest.

The author of Psalm 119 had this to say about God's laws: "How I love your law, O Lord! / It is my meditation all the day" (v. 97; NAB). This kind of thinking is foreign to many teenagers. Laws are seen as oppressive and stifling.

But if we stop to think about it for a few seconds, God's laws are really life-giving. They help to secure our happiness and really experience life the way it was meant to be lived. That's why this same Psalmist also wrote, ". . . I hate every false way" (119:104). He knows that false ways only lead to the loss of happiness.

The Missing Instructions

The most incredible experiences in our lives have been the births of our six children. While it may be true that childbirth is a great experience, it's not for the squeamish. In fact, it's downright gross (and for Tami, painful)! First, the water breaks, sending amniotic fluid all over the bed; next (Tami adds-- "after a long labor"), the child is born.

Have you ever seen a newborn baby-- one fresh out of the womb? In case you haven't, newborn babies don't look like the Gerber poster child. They're a purplish-blue color and often covered with a white substance that looks like paste.

And just when you think it's over, the bloody afterbirth (or placenta) is delivered. Can you believe we have friends who actually videotaped this?

Now what's the point of all this madness? It's simply this: No child of ours has ever been born with an instruction manual. The delivery-room nurses do a lot of prodding and searching to make sure the newborn has all his parts-- ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes, two ears, etc. They even check the afterbirth. Not one has ever uncovered an instruction manual. (Maybe God forgot to put it in the box?)

How then are we to understand how our sexuality should be used? It makes sense to say that Jesus is the Truth. I know he knows what's right and what's wrong. I understand that he made me a sexual being and that he knows how my sexuality works best. But "he's so far away," you might protest, and he didn't give my mother an instruction manual at my birth. How can Jesus communicate the truth to us? These are good questions.

Conscience: God's Instructions Written on
Our Hearts

Children may not be born with instruction manuals under their arms, but God has not left us without a way to know right from wrong. The Church teaches us that our instruction manuals are internal. They come built-in.

What are we talking about? Conscience, of course. You know, the little green fellow in Pinocchio named Jiminy Cricket.

Just kidding. Unfortunately, some people's understanding of conscience goes no farther than that Cricket who helps Pinocchio become a real boy.

What, really, is conscience? What function does it serve? It's fairly simple. Each one of us has a law written in his or her heart: It's God's law. Remember, we are made in God's image. An important part of that image is his law stamped in our hearts.

Conscience urges us to follow this law by doing the good and avoiding the evil. The fathers of our most recent Church council, Vatican II, describe what conscience does for us: "In the depths of his conscience, man detects a law which he does not impose upon himself, but which holds him to obedience. Always summoning him to love good and avoid evil, the voice of conscience can when necessary speak to his heart more specifically: do this, shun that. For man has in his heart a law written by God" (Gaudium et Spes, No. 16). (Cf. also CCC 1776-1782.)

This same council goes on to tell us that our dignity is dependent upon our obedience to this law. And it's even by this law that God will judge us when we die. If we obey conscience, we will go to heaven. If not, we will suffer in hell.

It's very important to keep in mind that conscience is not the same thing as personal feelings. Sometimes we hear teenagers say they feel that it's okay for them to be sleeping with their boyfriend or girlfriend. They feel they are mature and old enough. And they feel they are in love. So they feel it must be okay to sleep together.

These are feelings talking-- not a properly formed conscience. Remember, conscience is the very voice of God speaking his laws in the silence of our hearts.

Informed Conscience

Sometimes it's very hard for us to sort out our feelings from what our conscience is teaching us is right and wrong. This can be even more difficult when we hear all the voices in the media telling us to do things that are contrary to God's law.

That's why this same Church council, Vatican II, tells us that we have an obligation to properly form this conscience of ours. It's unfortunate but true: We can mess up our consciences. We can do this when we try to excuse our wrong behavior by convincing ourselves that what we are doing is really right.

If we're honest with ourselves, we all must admit that we do this from time to time. People don't like the guilt that comes with wrong behavior, so they trick themselves into thinking that such behavior is all right.

We, too, are sorry to admit that we did this in sexual matters when we were in high school and college. It came to the point when we were no longer hearing God's law in our hearts. Our consciences had become distorted and confused.

This is why it's extremely important to properly form our consciences. Vatican II tells us how to do this: "In the formation of their consciences, the Christian faithful ought carefully to attend to the sacred and certain doctrine of the Church. The Church is, by the will of Christ, the teacher of the truth. It is her duty to give utterance to, and authoritatively to teach, that Truth which is Christ Himself" (Dignitatis Humanae, No. 14). (Cf. also CCC 1783-1785.)

Ruled by Grumpy Old Men Wearing Funny Hats?

"The Church-- why should I listen to the Church? It's ruled by a bunch of grumpy old men wearing funny hats who don't want me to have any fun. I mean-- they're still in the dark ages." This was one girl's reaction when Tami suggested that we should form our consciences from Church teaching. (Actually, all the bishops we've met have been incredibly happy and friendly people.)

Still, it's a question many teenagers ask. And, really, why should you listen to the Church? How is it different from other voices calling for your attention about moral matters? Why not form your conscience based upon what Planned Parenthood, Dr. Ruth, MTV, or YM magazine has to say about sex?

These questions demand thoughtful answers.

What Makes the Church Different?

What makes the Church's teaching different from other moral views circulating in our society? The answer lies in the passage we just quoted from Vatican II. Did you catch what it said? In case you didn't, it claims, "The Church is, by the will of Christ, the teacher of the truth."

"The teacher of the truth"-- this is not a small claim. How can the Church make such a sweeping assertion? The answer is found in the fact that the Church is not merely a human institution. It's true that like other human organizations (such as the United States government or a school club), the visible Church on earth is ruled and governed by fallible humans.

But there's something unique about the Church. Its founder is God. What other organization can support such a claim? That's right, Jesus started the Church. And he gave his Church a few special promises. Jesus promised us that he will always be present within the Church.

What's different about the Church? Jesus lives in and through his Church. In fact, St. Paul calls the Church the very "body of Christ." The Church is not only a human institution-- it's supernatural as well. As we'll see, part of its supernatural function is to teach Jesus' truth about morality. (Cf. CCC 771, 787-795.)

Apostles, Bishops, the Pope, and the Truth

We are now ready to answer the question we asked earlier in this chapter: "If Jesus has been dead for nearly two thousand years, how can he communicate his truth to us today?"

The answer: First, he's not "dead." He rose again, and he's very much alive today-- in heaven and on earth. On earth he lives in that body St. Paul referred to. He lives in the Church, and we are his members, his "limbs."

In your body, what tells the limbs what to do? The head, of course. The same is true in Christ's body, the Church. Christ, who is the head, communicates his will and truth to his limbs, the Church.

Jesus has started an organization that we call the Church (his body), and through its organization, Jesus teaches his truth to all generations. But we can still be more specific about how Jesus intended the Church to do this.

If you're a member of a club at your high school, you know something about how organizations generally work. Most clubs elect officers to direct the activities of the club.

If your clubs are anything like ours were, the elected officers are the very important core of the club. In most cases, without the direction and activity of the officers, the club would not accomplish much.

Well, Jesus appointed officers for his organization, the Church. Notice that we said that Jesus appointed his officers. There were no elections for the first officers of Jesus' Church. No, the apostles (the first officers of the Church) were called and appointed by Jesus. They were the first bishops of the Church.

However, Jesus did not stop with the apostles. He selected one of the apostles to lead the others. Of course, we are talking about Peter, our first pope.

To his officers (the bishops and pope), Jesus gave the very important task of teaching his truth to the rest of the Church. To the bishops and pope, Jesus gave the teaching office. We call this teaching office of the Church the magisterium. And it's important to highlight that in their role as authentic teachers, the bishops and pope teach infallibly on matters of faith and morals. Vatican II explains: ". . . the Roman Pontiff, the head of the college of bishops, enjoys [this infallibility] in virtue of his office, when, as the supreme shepherd and teacher of all the faithful, who confirms his brethren in their faith (cf. Lk. 22:32), he proclaims by a definitive act some doctrine of faith or morals... " (Lumen Gentium, No. 25). The document goes on to explain: "The infallibility promised to

the Church resides also in the body of bishops, when that body exercises supreme teaching authority with the successor of Peter."

But how can the bishops and the pope (the magisterium) possibly carry out such an important task? What's to keep them from teaching their own opinions instead of what Christ wanted taught? We've admitted that the bishops and popes are fallible men. The answer? The Holy Spirit. (Cf. CCC 77, 857-865, 888-892.)

The Spirit of Truth

Shortly before Jesus was crucified he gave the apostles a promise. He promised to send them the Holy Spirit. What would this Holy Spirit do for them? Listen to Jesus' promise: "... I will pray the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you for ever.... the Spirit of truth..." (John 14:16-17; emphasis added).

He goes on to tell us that "the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you" (John 14:26); "I have yet many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth..." (John 16:12-13; emphasis added).

As you can see, the special task given to the Holy Spirit is to lead the Church "into all the truth." The bishops and pope cannot possibly carry out their teaching function on their own. Jesus knows this, so he sends the Holy Spirit to guide them. (Remember that the Church is a supernatural organization.)

According to St. Paul, the Spirit is so good at his job that the Church can be called "the pillar and bulwark of the truth" (I Timothy 3:15). (Cf. CCC 2032-2040.)

The Bible, Tradition, and the Truth

You might be wondering how the Bible fits into all of this talk about the truth. Why do we need the Bible if the Church teaches us Jesus' truth?

The answer to this question is found in what the lector says at every Mass after the reading of the Bible. You know the sequence. After the lector finishes the passage, he says, "The Word of the Lord." And we respond, "Thanks be to God."

You have heard this many times, no doubt. But did you know that those words of the lector are a very clear description of what Catholics think about the Bible?

Yes, we believe that the Bible is the "Word of God." What we mean by this is that the Bible contains what God wanted to communicate to his Church in writing. God directed, through the Holy Spirit, the human authors of the different books of the Bible to write exactly what God wanted. St. Paul goes so far as to say that the Bible is "God-breathed" (cf. 2 Timothy 3:16).

Because it's God's word, we can trust the Bible to tell the truth about who God is and what he desires for us. This is why Catholics hold the Bible in high esteem. This is also why we thank God after it is read. It is a great privilege to have God speak to us. (Cf. CCC 105-108.)

But not all that God wanted to leave to his Church was written down. Many of the teachings were handed down by word of mouth from the apostles.

St. John tells us at the end of his Gospel that "there are also many other things which Jesus did; were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written" (John 21:25). The Church calls this unwritten word of God Sacred Tradition.

It is important to point out that the Church considers Sacred Tradition to be equally the Word of God. It's different from the Bible only in the fact that it has been handed down, unchanged, by word of mouth. It is, nevertheless, the Word of God. And like the Bible it can be trusted as the truth.

It's the solemn duty of the teaching office of the Church (bishops with the pope) to make sure that this Word of God (in both its forms: the Bible and Tradition) is correctly taught and understood. As we have seen, it's the Holy Spirit's job to guide them in this task. So they will never fail. (Cf. CCC 77-84.)

Finding the Truth

So you're looking for the truth about sexuality in a very confusing world. Look no farther. You've found it if you looked to Jesus Christ-- who is the Truth himself. Jesus has seen fit to communicate his truth to us through his body, the Church. If you look hard enough, with the Church's help you may discover it's written on your heart as well.

We now turn to looking at what the Church has always taught with respect to sexuality.