CHAPTER 8

Traditionally, the Catholic Church has held up seven virtues as those that are at the core of all the other virtues (including chastity). Those virtues are: faith, hope, love, justice, prudence, self-control, and toughness

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'Virtual' Success: A Practical Guide to
Real Protected Sex

Believe it or not, it's possible in this day and age of MTV, HBO, and VCRs to successfully protect your gift of sexuality from abuse or from further abuse. Developing the virtue of chastity is the key. Without chastity controlling our thoughts and actions, we'll abuse our sexuality.

Before every high-school varsity basketball game Keith played, his coach always went over the game plan. Were they going to play man-to-man defense or zone? Were they going to keep the tempo upbeat or slow the game down? Which players from the other team did they have to guard closely?

Without a strategy and focused attack, it would be hard for most teams to win a basketball game. The same is true for being successful at protecting our sexual gift. If we don't have a game plan, losing the battle becomes much more likely.

What follows is a discussion of a practical strategy that works. Our strategy is based upon the truth that chastity is only possible when we have certain foundational virtues in place.

Traditionally, the Catholic Church has held up seven virtues as those that are at the core of all the other virtues (including chastity). Those virtues are: faith, hope, love, justice, prudence, self-control, and toughness.

We hope to show you how striving to practice these virtues can "virtually" guarantee the successful protection of your very good gift. Chastity can't be practiced without them.

The first three virtues are related to one another in that they focus on one's relationship with God. They have God as their ultimate object. We are to have faith in God, hope in God, and love for God. We will show you how important your relationship with God is for developing and maintaining the virtue of chastity. (Cf. CCC 1812-1813.)

Virtue No. 1: Faith (Trusting That God Knows Best)

A personal friendship with God is most important in developing the inner strength to practice the virtue of chastity. Our relationship with God should be based upon a sincere trust in his love for us. This is a trust that allows us to say: "God, you made me; you love me; you know what's best for me even if it's difficult for me to carry out your will.- (Cf. CCC 1814-1816.)

You can see why this kind of faith is required. Faith provides us with the necessary motivation for practicing chastity: love for God. Without this motivation, chastity can seem restrictive and out of date.

But faith is not possible unless we pray. If you want to be chaste, you gotta pray.

What do we mean by prayer? Simply talking with Jesus about your desires, your loves, your pains --your whole life. Christ is our friend. He knows how to help us.

It's good to have a set time every day when we can talk with Jesus, even if it's for only five to ten minutes a day. A priest friend of ours likes to suggest having three moments of prayer each day: when you get up in the morning; at lunch time; and before you go to bed

According to this priest, these moments only need to be a few minutes long. These set times of prayer will definitely help you to recognize that Jesus is with you throughout the day. This can be a great source of strength when temptation hits.

There’s a helpful saying about prayer that we remember hearing. It goes something like this: "Prayer changes things, and the most important thing it changes is our hearts." Prayer helps us to want to do what God wants. Chastity is certainly God’s will for us.

Not only is it important for us to pray, it's also very helpful to ask others to pray for us. When we need the prayers of others (and that's always!), we seek out the people we know are closest to Jesus and ask for their prayers. Who do you know that is close to Jesus? Ask that person to pray for you in your efforts to practice your faith and to continue to be chaste.

The person closest to Jesus in the entire universe is his Mother, Mary. That is why Christians for centuries have sought Mary's prayers. One of the best ways to seek

Mary's prayers is by praying the Rosary often. The Rosary is based on the main events of Jesus' and Mary's lives. The Rosary helps us to meditate on those events so that we can live our lives more like Jesus and Mary did.

Those who pray the Rosary daily know that it's powerful. Mary is not only Jesus' Mother, she's our Mother also. When Jesus was dying on the cross, he gave his Mother to the Church to be the Mother of all Christians. To the apostle John, who represented the Church, Jesus said from the cross, "Behold, your mother!" (John 19:27). When we go to Mary through the Rosary, we can be sure that she receives us as her children. She loves us with a mother’s love.

Like all good mothers, Mary wants us to be happy. And she knows that where happiness and life to the full are found, they are found close to her Son, Jesus. Mary's desire is to lead us to Jesus and to help us have greater faith and trust in him.

Mary knows that practicing chastity keeps us close to Jesus and leads us to happiness. Mary knows how to practice chastity --she did it her entire life. She can help us if we ask by humbly praying the Rosary.

In addition to daily personal prayer and the Rosary, active participation in the liturgical prayer of the Church, the Mass, is vital to practicing the virtue of chastity. The Mass is the very center of the Christian life. It's in the Mass that we really meet Jesus Christ We hear his word and he comes into our bodies and souls through Holy Communion.

If you heard that Jesus was going to make an appearance at your parish church on Sunday morning you'd get out of bed and be there. You wouldn't want to miss meeting him. Well, the truth is: Jesus is really going to be there this Sunday morning. Only he's hidden under the form of bread and wine. We believe that something miraculous takes place at every Mass - Jesus is really present in the Eucharist.

Not only is he present, but he loves us so much that he wants to come inside of us to make us one with him. This union with Jesus increases our love and our desire to please him. This makes us better able to practice the virtue of chastity.

Finding a group of Christian friends is one surefire way to help bolster your faith. All of us need support from peers who are trying to live a life of faith. "Sounds great," you may be saying to yourself, "but where do I find other Catholic teens who are interested in their faith?" Your parish's youth group is a good place to start.

What? Your parish doesn't have a youth group. You can start one. We would suggest talking to your pastor about it. One avenue to pursue with him would be a Life Teen group, of which there are some three hundred throughout the country. To find out how to start one, contact Life Teen, 1730 West Guadalupe Road, Mesa, AZ 85202 (telephone 602-820-7001). Incidentally, the founder received a papal blessing on behalf of all Life Teen groups.

You may be surprised to know there is a rapidly growing number of Catholic teens who are really excited about being Catholic. There is an alternative youth magazine that many of these young people are reading that will really be helpful in connecting you with other Catholic teens nationwide. It's called YOU! Magazine.

YOU! is an awesome magazine that's put together largely by teens themselves, which assures that it's definitely not boring. It features articles on stuff that you're really into, like music, movies, and dating relationships. You'll be surprised by how much you can learn about your faith by reading it. To get more information about the publication, write: YOU! Magazine, 31194 La Baya Drive, Suite 200, Westlake Village, CA 91362 (telephone 818-991-1813).

Virtue No. 2: Hope (With God All Things Are Possible, Even Chastity)

Hope is directly related to faith and trust in God. Faith and trust in God makes hope possible. Hope is the virtue that gives us the conviction that we are going to make it through the trials and temptations and remain faithful to God. We don't place our hope in our own ability but in God's love for us. Ultimately, hope leads us to eternal life with God.

Hope means placing our confidence in God. It's the certainty that God will work out all our situations for our good --even if the circumstances aren't pointing that way. We can have this hope because St. Paul has promised us "that in everything God works for good with those who love him" (Romans 8:28). (Cf. CCC 1817-1821.)

We think this truth can be a great help for those who struggle with the virtue of chastity. If we do our best to fight temptation, we can be certain that God will give us the necessary grace to help us win the battle against our passions. Yet, sometimes winning the war means retreating and beginning again through the sacrament of reconciliation. Hope means not giving up when we have failed. It's hope that gives us the certainty of God's mercy and forgiveness.

When we were dating, it was often very difficult for us to practice the virtue of chastity. This became especially difficult after we realized that we wanted to marry. It seemed like it would be forever before we could have sex. It was only through our faith that God knew what was best, and through the hope that he would provide us with the strength and help necessary to do his will, that chastity became a possibility for us.

One practical way to hope in God is to look forward to what God has planned for you. God has something great planned for your life. God is calling you to a particular state in life. For most of us that means marriage. For others, it may mean a call to the priesthood, religious life, or celibacy (single life) for the sake of devoting oneself to the kingdom of God. No matter which of these God has planned for you, you will want to be able to present yourself clean and undefiled. Have hope that God is leading your life to something very good for him and you.

Have hope (if you're called to marriage) that God is already preparing your special and unique spouse for you. In fact, begin praying for that special spouse right now. If you possess this hope and prayer, you're less likely to run the risk of experimenting with your sexuality. If you are convinced that God will guide you to the right person, you'll go to extremes to keep your gift unopened.

Virtue No. 3: Charity (Love Is Patient ... Love Is Not Self-Seeking ... )

Closely related to the virtues of faith and hope is charity (love). We throw the word "love" around a lot these days. We love our dogs, cats, clothes, shoes, room, boyfriend or girlfriend, the movie we saw last night, our new CD, and the local sports hero. In fact, we toss this word around so much that it almost has no real meaning for us.

Jesus showed us that we should love some things more than others. He tells us whom we should love, in what order we should love them, and how we should love them. He said: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets" (Matthew 22:37-40). (Cf. CCC 1822-1823.)

Love can help us practice the virtue of chastity: love for God, love for your date, and love for yourself. All three are necessary for chastity.

Love of God comes first. We need to love God more than all things, including our own pleasure. Love for God often means making choices that cause us pain and sacrifice. True love leads us to deny ourselves for the sake of the greater good of doing what God wants.

Love for God leads us to love others selflessly, including our boyfriend or girlfriend. If we are truthful, we know that love can often be confused with lust and infatuation. As we just mentioned, "love" is so overused that we can barely define what it means. Thankfully, St. Paul tells us what real charity (love) is all about: "Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

Do you love your boyfriend or girlfriend? Use St. Paul's list to discover the truth. Are you patient? kind? jealous? rude? seeking your own interests? rejoicing in wrongdoing?

If one engages in sexual activity, such a person is not practicing true love. Real love puts the interests of others before one's own selfish desire for pleasure and good feelings. Can anyone who takes the chance of subjecting his or her date to the painful consequences of premarital sex really be looking out for that person's best interests?

We can take this a step farther. The person who is engaging in sexual activity is not loving himself either. We fail to love ourselves when we do things that harm ourselves. Failing to practice chastity is harmful. It makes us less than God created us to be.

If we truly love God, others, and ourselves, we will have an easier time (and the proper motivation) for practicing the virtue of chastity.

Virtue No. 4: Justice (Stealing: Taking What's Not Yours)

Pursuing a sexual relationship of any type with your date is not a loving act. And it's also very unjust. Justice is concerned with the rights of each individual. It means treating others fairly and involves not taking what rightfully belongs to another person. (Cf. CCC 1807.)

All people have a right to protect their sexual gift. If they are called to marriage, then they will one day be able to give it unopened to their spouse. The person who engages in sexual behavior with his or her date is really doing an injustice to that person. He or she is taking something that really doesn't belong to him or her. This is true even if the date wants to give it away! This gift is meant to be given only to one's lifelong spouse or to be consecrated to God through celibacy for the sake of his kingdom. It's not only unfair to the date, it's unfair to the future spouse and God as well.

There is another aspect of this virtue of justice that can help us to live chastely. All of us have responsibilities that we must fulfill. If we don't do them well, we are not acting justly.

For example, as a high-school student, you have the responsibility to study hard. If you just do what you must to get it out of the way, you are not doing justice to your teacher, yourself, your parents, or God. If you play a musical instrument or a sport, you need to practice well. When we fulfill our responsibilities well, we are acting in a just way.

How does this help with chastity? Believe it or not, it is directly related. The better we work (that is, the more concentration we give our studies or the harder we practice), the less likely we will be to fall into sexual sin.

Why? We are more focused. We don't let our minds wander. And we have a lot less time on our hands.

In addition, when we do things well (with all our energy) we are building our self-esteem. And those who think highly of themselves are less likely to be influenced by peer pressure and the mob mentality. Those with high self-esteem don't need to seek acceptance and love through sexual activity.

When we work well, we are practicing the virtue of justice. This virtue helps us to develop the virtue of chastity by keeping us focused on what we should be doing and by keeping us from taking what is not ours.

Virtue No. 5: Prudence (A Little Common-Sense Wisdom)

Prudence is the virtue that helps us to determine what things are good and what things are not so good. What kinds of behaviors are wise? What behaviors are not? (Cf. CCC 1806.)

JIJO: Junk In, Junk Out. One of the first things we were taught in our freshman computer course was the cute little acronym JIJO: "Junk In, Junk Out." The computer teacher was trying to show us that a computer could only perform its tasks if we entered the right information (passwords, commands, etc.). If we put in "junk" (the wrong passwords and commands), we'd never get our programs to work.

JIJO is very important to remember if we want to practice the virtue of chastity. If we allow junk to enter our hearts and minds through our eyes and ears, we can be certain that it will result in greater difficulty in controlling our sexual passions.

What kind of movies do you watch? How about the music you listen to? Or the magazines you read? If they are promoting sexual activity or depicting it in any way, don't let it in. One can't watch, listen to, and read sexual junk and hope to remain chaste. It's just not possible. Anyone with a little wisdom or prudence knows that if we fill our minds with junk, we'll live trashy lives.

One of Keith's buddies had a little brother who would do just about anything anyone dared him to do. A bunch of the older guys talked him into stealing pornographic magazines from the local convenience store. After he stole the magazines, he reluctantly turned them over to his older brother and his friends who hid them away for future viewing.

This might seem cool to some. But the long-range effects of doing this prank were very harmful. Those magazines led to lust and to the loss of respect for women. You can be certain that the guys who looked at those magazines had a greater struggle with purity than those who didn't have this experience.

Pornography is seriously harmful and seriously sinful. It pollutes our minds and makes us slaves to our passions. Pornography makes us slaves because it's addictive --in much the same way that drugs and alcohol are addictive.

Pornography includes not only magazines such as Playboy and Penthouse but all materials that are sexually explicit. Some R-rated and PG-13 movies are pornographic. Even if they don't show it all, if they guide our imaginations to dwell on things that aren't conducive to chastity, they're still pornographic.

Music can be pornographic as well. Take the time to listen to the words the next time you flip on the radio. Think to yourself: "What is this song saying about sexuality? Does it take God's perspective or the world's?" If it's bad, turn it off.

The magazines that are at the ends of your grocery-store checkout lines can often lead to sexual sin. Cosmopolitan always has a very seductive picture on the cover. Seventeen, YX and Sassy often promote sex before marriage. If you read that stuff, it may lead you away from what God has clearly taught about sex.

Some may object: "Can all this stuff really affect us?" Of course, it can and does. Ask Ted Bundy. "Who's Ted Bundy?" Ted Bundy was responsible for the sexual assault and brutal murders of over twenty women. In a videotaped interview with psychologist Dr. James Dobson on the day before Bundy was executed, the convicted serial killer revealed that he was addicted to pornography. He talked about how his appetite for pornography increased. Like a drug addict, he needed more and harder-core pornography to satisfy him. He related how the pornography wouldn't do anymore. He had to act it out.

Ted Bundy is an extreme case. But it illustrates that JIJO is very real --Junk In, Junk Out. Prudence leads us to carefully screen what we let into our hearts and minds. Chastity is impossible without this kind of wisdom.

Make a Fashion Statement, Not a Sinner. Another way the virtue of prudence can help us to practice chastity relates to the clothing we wear. Girls especially need to be careful in this area. Common sense tells us that dressing in a way that is meant to turn a guy on sexually is not consistent with trying to live chastely.

Don't get us wrong --we're not saying that you need to dress like an old lady either. (Our apologies to all the grandmothers out there.) Dress fashionably and nice, but your pants and blouse don't have to look like they're painted on. And your skirt and shorts shouldn't be so high that you can catch a cold. Don't advertise what's not available! As we said a few chapters back, guys are turned on by the smallest things. Don't give them an opportunity to sin because of the way you are dressing.

If you dress to stir up hormones, don't be surprised if your date expects you to put out sexually. Everything about you, including the way you dress, should indicate that you desire to practice the virtue of chastity.

TFD: Trouble-Free Dating. Finally, the virtue of prudence leads the person who desires to be chaste to practice what we call "trouble-free dating" (TFD).

If you've ever been on a diet, you know it's much easier to stick to it when you aren't tempted by having your favorite kind of junk food at hand. Suppose your favorite junk food was hot-fudge sundaes. It would make very little sense for you to go with your friends to the local ice-cream parlor when you were screaming hungry if you hoped to stick to your diet. Some of us have great willpower, but under those circumstances it would be hard for anyone to resist. The old saying "Out of sight, out of mind (and belly)" works best when dieting.

TFD is based upon the same principle. It's much easier to stay chaste on certain types of dates than it is on other kinds of dates. You know what we mean.

One-on-one dating with lots of time alone in a dark place spells big trouble. What teenager could resist in a situation like that? We certainly couldn't. The key is not letting our dates get us into hard-to-resist situations.

The most trouble-free dates are those that involve group dating --several couples going out together. Dating with other couples can be a blast, and there's the added bonus of being with your other friends as well. In addition, you really get to see what your date is like as a person in this type of group situation.

If you like to go out with your date alone (who doesn't?), then pick "safe" places to go: restaurants, miniature golf, baseball games, bowling, ice skating, the zoo, skiing, etc. You get the idea.

It's best to avoid dates with no destination in mind. "I'll pick you up at 8:00 P.m. and we'll hang out" is more likely going to lead to an opportunity for unchastity than a date with a clear plan. Obviously, staying away from drive-ins, parties with alcohol, make-out par-ties, and going to your date's home or your own home when parents are not home goes a long way to maintaining chastity.

Virtue No. 6: Self-Control

This virtue is difficult for a lot of us. We're so used to instantly satisfying our every desire that the thought of denying ourselves seems foreign to us.

But anyone who is successful in life knows how valuable self-control is. Without some degree of self-control, success in school, in sports, and in your job is nearly impossible. Many of us have known a person who has what seems like unlimited natural talent, yet doesn't accomplish much. Sometimes the reason these people fail is because they didn't learn how to practice the self-control it takes to develop their natural ability.

It doesn't take much thought to realize that self-control is important for practicing chastity. There are a number of practical ways this virtue can help. (Cf. CCC 1809.)

Controlling the Imagination. What do we let ourselves think about? It's true that often the abuse of our sexual gift begins in our minds. We may see a person we are particularly attracted to and our minds begin to think about things that are not good. If we want to protect our sexual gift, we need to struggle to put an end to these kinds of thoughts.

This may be the most difficult aspect of sexual purity because nobody else can see us thinking. It's totally private.

It's true there's nothing wrong with being sexually attracted to someone. As we said earlier in the book, attraction is normal and healthy. It becomes a problem when we turn that attraction into lust. Sexual attraction becomes lust when we dwell upon the other person's body and imagine acts that we want to do with that individual.

Lust is wrong because it treats others as objects for our own selfish pleasure. Lust degrades others. Jesus made it very clear that lust is a sin by pointing out that "Every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). If we don't control our imaginations, they will lead us to breaking the Sixth Commandment in our hearts.

Lustful thoughts are inconsistent with living a life of chastity. We need to control them before they control us. Can't you now see the wisdom of protecting what we allow our eyes to see and ears to hear? Those who allow themselves to experience sexually stimulating material will have a much more difficult time controlling their imaginations.

There's another reason for getting our thoughts under control: Lustful thoughts lead to lustful actions. In the story of David and Bathsheba (Chapter 6), do you recall what got David's trouble started in the first place? He made the unwise decision to look at Bathsheba while she was taking a bath. He then lost control of his imagination. David lusted after her. And finally, he couldn't stand it any longer, so he had her brought to him so that he could have sex with her.

There's a progression to David's sexual sin: First, he let the junk in (by looking at Bathsheba, who was not his wife, taking a bath); second, he lusted; third, he acted upon it. Many of our sexual sins progress this same way. A little self-control of the mind could have prevented a lot of trouble for David -just as it can for us.

Self-Control? Or Self-Abuse (Masturbation)? Uncontrolled sexual thoughts can lead to masturbation, which is a serious, or mortal, sin against chastity. The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines masturbation as "the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure" (No. 2352). Masturbation has been called the sin of self-abuse with good reason.

But some may wonder, "How do I handle that intense sexual desire that I sometimes feel? This feeling is not something I'm imagining. This is real. Isn't it just easier to release it by masturbating? I'm like really suffering."

It probably is easier, but just because something is easier doesn't make it right. Masturbation is not right, no matter how much relief it may bring. It's a selfish act --a sign that you are only thinking of yourself.

If masturbation is not the answer, then how does one handle this kind of pressure?

We've already partially answered this question. Answer: JIJO and self-control. Be wise with what you let into your mind and develop the self-control to put an end to unchaste thoughts before they get out of control. If you make a serious effort to do this, you'll significantly reduce the temptations you face.

Yet, we realize that even if you are making a serious effort, there can still be times of intense sexual temptations. What can you do then?

On the natural side of things, when you feel this type of temptation approaching, one of the best things you can do is to divert attention to some other interest. Maybe it's just a matter of focusing attention back on what you were supposed to be doing before your mind wandered off from homework or household chores.

Do you like sports or music? It could be a good time to turn on the game, go for a run, or throw in a CD. Just do anything you can to create a diversion from the struggle you are facing.

The saints knew how to distract their attention from the sexual pressure they were facing. "St. Francis of Assisi rolled in the snow, St. Benedict threw himself into a thornbush, St. Bernard jumped into an icy pond" (The Way, Blessed Josemaria Escriva, Scepter Press). Maybe a cold shower isn't such a bad idea after all?

On the supernatural side of things, remember that you are always in the presence of God, who is always with you and wants to help you practice chastity. All you have to do is sincerely ask him for help. In fact, God made a promise to help you. Listen to what the apostle Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, wrote: "No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10: 13; emphasis added; NAB).

God "will also provide a way out." Ask him. Trust him. Listen to him. Be obedient to him. If you do, in time, the temptation to impurity will cease or get easier and easier to overcome.

It can also be very helpful to go to Mary for help. Try saying three Hail Mary's for help in resisting sexual temptation. Next time you find yourself in this situation, try it. You'll be surprised. It works! Mary really wants to help you.

Peer Pressure (Other-Controlled). Keith had a recent high-school graduate, Katie, approach him with a serious problem. Her boyfriend was trying to move their relationship along sexually. Katie resisted at first, but she admitted that it was getting more difficult. She wanted to please this guy. She thought she might be in love with him, and she was afraid she might lose him if she didn't give him what he wanted. What should she do?

Practicing chastity means making every effort to resist being controlled by others. Katie's situation is not unusual. Should she give up self-control for infatuation, romance, fear, or even possibly love? Not if she wants to practice chastity. If Katie's boyfriend really loved her, he wouldn't pressure her. If he loved her, he would seek to protect her chastity, not violate it. The person who pressures you to proceed sexually is not worth dating.

What should Katie do in this situation? Katie needs to talk seriously with her boyfriend. She must convince him that she wants their relationship to work --but not at any cost. The relationship can be continued only if her boyfriend agrees that they should make every effort to practice chastity. If her boyfriend can't accept this, Katie should dump him.

In any serious dating relationship, both partners must desire to be chaste. Couples can help each other grow in self-control. It would be impossible to have a good dating relationship with only one person striving to be chaste.

In addition to feeling sexual pressure from dates, we can get it from friends as well. "You're the only virgin left in the school"; "Loosen up"; "Live a little." Comments like these can hurt, but don't give in. Jealousy and envy could possibly be your friends' motives. Misery loves company --so do sinners. If we can drag other people into the same wrong behavior we are doing, somehow this makes us feel better.

Value your sexual gift. To give in is to surrender self-control to being controlled by others. And without self-control, the virtue of chastity is impossible.

Virtue No. 7: Fortitude, or Toughness (Are You Tough Enough?)

A friend of ours ran in the 1994 Pittsburgh Marathon. It was his first (and possibly last) marathon. He described this twenty-six-mile run as the greatest test of endurance and toughness he had ever experienced. He recalled that the last six miles were particularly grueling. He wanted to stop many times but didn't. Our friend displayed great toughness in finishing the race despite great pains wracking his body. (Cf. CCC 1808.)

Practicing the virtue of chastity in the 1990s demands a similar toughness.

We're sure it's obvious to you that we don't live in a culture that values chastity. Those who try to live chastely are characterized as old-fashioned and prudish. Besides this, we are confronted (even if we are careful) with sexually stimulating material daily. If chastity is going to succeed, we've got to develop the virtue of fortitude (or toughness).

Christians are sometimes viewed as wimpy people who need God to bail them out. "Chastity is for the wimps and the ugly, not for the jocks and the handsome" seems to be the sentiment of some. This view is totally false.

The opposite is true. The wimps are the ones who cave in to pressure from dates, friends, and society. It's much easier to go with the flow and do what your friends are doing.

It would have been much easier for our friend to stop running when he was exhausted. It wasn't like he was winning (or even close to winning). It's only because he believed in what he was doing and had developed the toughness to run when he was dead tired that he was able to finish the marathon.

Believe in the virtue of chastity. It's worth the fight. What's needed is the toughness to fight the temptations when they are strong.

Beginning Again and Again and Again ... Tough people get back up when they fall. Wimps give up when they fail. They think it's useless to fight and start again. The virtue of chastity demands the toughness that leads us to begin again when we fall.

At particular times in our lives, we may find that we need to begin again (and again and again) through the sacrament of reconciliation. God welcomes us back each time and gives us new strength to battle temptation again.

Anyone who continues to fight even after losing some of the battles will ultimately win --with new power and life from reconciliation.

There is a fantastic true sports story that illustrates the courageous value of toughness. This is how youth minister Duffy Robbins related what happened, in Going the Distance:

Longtime viewers of ABC TVs Wide World of Sports still remember one of the most dramatic moments in that show's 30-year broadcast history. It was during the 1973 Ironman and Ironwoman Triathlon in Hawaii (a 148-mile swim-bike-run event that challenges even the world's best triathletes), when 23-year-old Julie Moss had a dramatic finish.

The spectacle unfolded as Julie staggered her way through the last several hundred feet of the race. It was obvious almost immediately that she was in trouble. The closer she got to the finish line, the clearer it was that she was in pain. More stumbling than running, Julie pushed herself all the way down to the last hundred or so steps until, all of a sudden, she just collapsed about 60 feet from the finish line.

The crowd, hushed by the drama on the street in front of them, watched with a mixture of fear and hope. Some shouted words of encouragement. Others gasped as she hit the hot pavement. For long moments, the camera simply watched as Julie Moss heaved on the pavement, gasping for air. Her hands inched forward, clawing at the asphalt.

Finally, after long, agonizing minutes, she once again staggered to her feet, stumbled several more steps ... and then collapsed again in a heap, just a few feet from the finish line. The expression of pain on her face was unmistakable. The crowd could feel her agony. After a few moments, she mustered up the strength to stand again, only to stagger a few steps more before she fell one more time. It happened three times. Julie Moss would half-stand, stagger, stumble, and then collapse again on the pavement.

The last time she fell, it looked as if she might not rise again. Even the announcers didn't speak as viewers watched this drama, almost sensing that the only appropriate response in the face of such a singular struggle was a kind of reverence. When Julie's trainer ran out to help her, she made one feeble gesture with her hand to flag him away, fearing that if he touched her in any way she would be disqualified from the race.

Finally, in a last incredible triumph of sheer guts and single-minded determination, 23-year-old Julie Moss got to her feet, half-walked, half-crawled, and crossed the finish line to the thunderous cheers of the crowd. It was an incredible moment.

Ultimately, what really made the race remarkable that day was not the fact that the course was completed in record time, or even who finished first and emerged victorious. What really awed everyone that day was that one person was single-mindedly determined to go the distance, no matter what.

Julie Moss was tough enough to get up again and again to go the distance. Those of us who desire to practice the virtue of chastity need to imitate her toughness and determination.